You know those little things in life? Those little things that we consider accessories? Like 10 hours of sleep and a massage therapist? Yah. Those aren't accessories for me.
They're my only way of survival.
Those statements may come off as coming from a spoiled brat, but there really are people out there where it would be as helpful to have insurance covering those "little (big) things" as a monthly check-up or a trip to the ER. And, no, this post isn't a complaint about insurance. I understand that it's a struggle to know when things are necessary and what to cover for whom, and sometimes you just have to bide your way. Many people are struggling with worse financial/insurance problems than I am. Many people don't even have those check-ups and ER visits covered.
That said. It's those little big things in life that keep me from having to check into the ER or spend my time in a rehab unit, etc. It's those little things that let me at least bide my way through life bit by bit. (That and living at home dependent on parental contributions to help with the everyday things in life: housing, food, transportation, and hopefully sanity.)
This post is about my coming to terms with the term "needs" and gradually coming to "accept" them with all the financial turmoil and looking lazy that comes with them.
It's funny being someone with invisible special needs. And it's funny (by no means "haha" funny) coming to the realization that certain things for you are as much "needs" as a caste is for a broken leg. But when you reach the point where your jaw is stiff, your throat is tight, and you keep on gagging as you get ready to go somewhere, yes, these things do become "needs."
When you reach the point where it takes rational restraint not to bang your head on things because the energy in your body is like an explosion, when you reach the point where you can feel your ribs and half of the bones in your body (because taking care of yourself is too much work or money is too big of a stressor), when you reach the point where you have to hold onto things in the kitchen or you... not might, but will... (step 1) feel insanely warm, (step 2) lose all sensation in your body, (step 3) see nothing but white dots enveloping your vision, (step 4) collapse on the ground... Yep. These little "splurges" become not splurges but "needs for survival."
Those expenses become as important as the food you buy and the gas money you spend. The expense of a monthly massage. The expense of a visit to the chiropractor. The expense of only working part time.
Someday I hope to be independent. Someday I hope to fend for myself. I never want to be that person who relies on someone who abuses his or her power. That said, I first need to come to terms with my needs. Rebudgeting adulthood could be totally a thing. But it's time to let the word "needs" in my vocabulary. Not that I absolutely "need" a McFlurry or DQ Blizzard (if I can even eat dairy, lol). But there are "special needs" in my life that require extra attention and additional finances just like there are for someone born with down syndrome or autism or cerebral palsy.
It may seem like I should've figured this stuff out by now. But it's hard coming to terms with the fact that you have "special needs." Especially if you're someone like me who strives to be exceptional in her 20s.
If you're like me, pay attention to those needs. Accept them. Let them into your vocabulary, into your monthly bills, into your self-advocacy and way of life. Because maybe it's Jesus asking for an opportunity to love you and for you to trust in Him.
Note to self: Oh. And if you're me. Do that same thing thing too. ;)
