I was trying to think of how to write a good blog post about this. I don't want to go into detail for the sake of other people's privacy. But I do want to touch in the matter, because lately I have felt very drawn to friendships that are not so based in virtue. I know this, because although while I hang out with certain people in my life I feel a high, after I hang out with them I feel some guilt and have a harder time reading Scripture because I feel like I am going against my own moral compass and against God's commands. In regard to these relationships, I know I have a fair amount of selfish, pleasure-seeking motives.
AND I have a hard time saying no to these relationships because they have brought so much thrill-like joy into my life, have made me feel wanted, and have helped me to avoid bouts of anxiety and depression.
The way I am going to structure this post is by asking myself (and readers) some questions that can help me determine how virtuous relationships in my life actually are:
(I know for sure I have many virtuous friendships, but I also have some that definitely are not.)
(Photograph courtesy Global Young Voices via google images)
EXAMINE...
THE BASIS OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP
~~What do you guys talk about when you hang out?
~~What activities do you participate in?
~~Do you view your friend(s) as objects?
~~Is there a seductive or pleasure-seeking nature in your relationship on either end?
~~What is your reason for being drawn to these people?
------------Does it make you feel "cool" to hang out with them?
------------Do you like the way it makes you appear in the eyes of others?
------------Does it remind you of past relationships?
(Reflect on how those relationships affected your faith life / life of virtue.)
HOW YOUR FRIENDSHIP AFFECTS YOUR FAITH LIFE
~~Do you ever pray together or reflect on aspects of the faith together?
~~After you hang out with your friend(s) do you feel at peace with God or carry a guilty conscience?
(Ways to test this can include praying or reading Scripture before or after you hang out or listening to Christian music.)
------------If you feel guilt, what is at the core of this? Your thoughts? Your actions? Both?
THE IMPACT YOUR FRIENDSHIP HAS ON YOUR/THE-OTHER-PERSON'S VIRTUE
~~Do you actively try to help each other become more virtuous people / to strength each other in God's love?
~~Are you (AND your friend) comfortable speaking up with maturity if you or the other person performs as action--perhaps says something--less than virtuous?
~~Is the language and humor you both use in conversations clean?
~~Do you spend your time together talking about people or things?
~~Especially if you are talking about other people, is it in in a positive or negative light?
~~Do you spend your time together talking about people or things?
~~Especially if you are talking about other people, is it in in a positive or negative light?
