For some reason, I suddenly felt like going full force on some of my accounts. I wanted to grow an audience for my YouTube channel, so I started inviting ALL of my Facebook friends to like my Facebook page (thinking I would dedicate it to my YouTube channel)... even though this was 100% contra to what I had decided upon a year ago (aka, wanting to keep my youtube channel and real life separate). Was I really that desperate for the likes?
Then I freaked out that I was giving people too much access to my online persona/websites/life. I also become worried about what I was portraying on my sites, and most of all concerned with what my motives were for having and publicizing a youtube channel. Let's say I had a mild freak out.
Thankfully, I was able to think things through to some extent. An initial thought was: Should I delete my pages on Facebook and Instagram? This would be rather impulsive, and I didn't want to repeat the mistake I had made before when I impulsively created these inter-connected pages and invited people to like them. I needed to step back and breath.
Ultimately, I made a decision that I would keep the Facebook page (which I actually created four years ago to dedicate to a website I was starting), but I would not connect that page to my other accounts. Facebook pages can feel less secure than other social media, because you can't really control your audience. There are no options to block certain people or privatize a page. I decided to hold onto Instagram but to keep that page rather "on hold" instead of bombarding it with pictures or content.
What I realized was I had never truly brought this stuff to prayer. I wanted God to be asking me to build myself on social media platforms, because I wanted to be seen. At the root of everything - hiding behind all these excuses of wanting to help people (which weren't false, btw) - was simply the desire to be seen: the desire to feel like somebody.
This whole story is simply an entrance into another thing I realized. I spend a lot of time on social media and a lot of time thinking about social media. In many ways, I don't know how to separate myself from it, because I feel like without social media life is so... empty.
I get tired of being alone but don't want to seem needy. I have this idea imbedded in my head that you're only truly living if people online see what you're doing and give you support and feedback. I know it's not true, but when something becomes internalized it isn't easy to just step out of that mindset.
I feel a lot more attached or in sync with a number of people I watch online. I see the good sides of people on social media or I at least see that they share in my desire to be seen. I feel more supported by them.
I feel like people in my everyday life don't really have time for me, so I go to social media where there is always someone there to entertain me or speak the words of wisdom or encouragement that I want to hear. (FYI, this isn't a rant about my friends not being good friends. It's just a realization that I have something inside of me not being met--whether it's meant to be met, I don't know...)
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All things considered, I don't think I'm going to give up social media altogether. I don't mean that I won't do an occasional social media fast. I LOVE doing those every now and then.
I simply mean that there is something within me that draws me to social media. I have sometimes wondered if this thing is of God or is pure selfishness. I think it probably has to be a combination of both.
I don't yet understand what God is calling me to do through social media or how much He is calling me to do on there. I think part of this is because I really don't stop to listen to God all that often. I'm still running from my anxiety or running towards a friendly face and words of affirmation via online.
I don't think this is entirely bad. The not stopping to listen to God part is definitely unhealthy and leads me nowhere. Dedicating more time to prayer and contemplative reading and meeting God in nature or music without social media is definitely something I would like to bring into my life more. It's not easy for a social-media fanatic like me, but it is good.
That said, I just stated that I don't think where I am now is entirely bad.
I think God can speak to me and love me through social media platforms so long as I make sure this is not the only way I am letting Him access me. Social media is not a substitute for prayer or reading a book on discernment or something else wholesome, but it can compliment it IF I use it in the right way (and with limitations).
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This leads to the point of this article! If I AM going to enter into the social media world or make it a regular part of my life, let me make sure that I am using it intentionally and positively.
I haven't 100% figured out how I am going to do this, but I have some ideas. For one, I want to look for and find people on social media that both lift me up and bring me towards God. I can already identify a few YouTube channels and Facebook groups that do this. Hopefully I can also identify more Podcasts and Blogs that do this. Perhaps I can connect with those podcasters and bloggers better through Instagram so that I see the positivity and the good on a day-to-day basis.
THIS IS WHERE YOU (MY READERS) COME IN:
Please pray for me on my journey! Pray that I truly take the time to step aside and listen to God's voice. Pray that I use social media in healthy ways that inspire and uplift me and direct me towards God's plan for my life instead of away from it.
Many Blessings To You.
