1. Taking 17 middle schoolers to Skyzone is the best decision ever.
Enough said.
2. Kids who left you baffled at the beginning of the year can become your favorite students by the end of the year. (I know, "we don't have favorites.") It just might be the case that I come out of each school year with a few favs.
Two of these favs I looked at all the beginning of the year wondering how the heck to even work with them. I never disliked them; I was just baffled seeing some strong or distinct personalities and bundles of energy. I can tell you now that we've come a ways and these are a couple of the students who have stolen my heart the most.
3. 7th and 8th graders have a way of stealing your heart in ways you can't describe while simultaneously giving you grey hairs. ALSO, you'll think there's no way next year's students could steal your heart as much as this year's students, and you'll be wrong.
I seriously look forward to going to work almost every day (even if I simultaneously want a break), because I look forward to seeing those faces. Last year, I decided that I could not leave our school until that year's 7th graders had graduated from 12th grade. I am now decided I can't until this year's 7th graders graduate. Granted, if I do get married and have kids....... it will be a difficult parting.
4. There is a way to be gentle, fun, engaging and also firm. It is a balance, and I can see myself growing in it every day (even if it's not an upward continuum every day).
It is truly a challenge, and to some extent different students need slightly different approaches. Still, I am learning to be an adult and not a pushover while still building positive, special relationships with the kids. It's those sorts of skills, mindsets, insights, and habits/practices that you develop over time.
5. Mistakes are a learning opportunity. Beating yourself up over something in the past won't help you at all. Learning from it will.
This is a message I hear all the time. This year I find that I have been gradually internalizing it with that NJS (DBT, folks!), CTF (also DBT), identifying Cognitive Distortions (CBT/journaling), and practicing Radical Acceptance (DBT). Also, use the STOP skill (DBT) when those negative, judgmental thoughts start to invade the brain.
6. Each paraprofessional brings something different to the role, and those differences are what our kids often need.
I always want to be the perfect EA, and there is always room for improvement. That said, "the perfect EA" doesn't necessarily fit into one box. I find that there are some students I connect easily with and some I have a harder time connecting with. Some students seem to respond best with stricter approaches. Many students love a joking/humorous personality. Others are very drawn to and in need of that gentler personality. Some need a loud voice, some need a quieter voice---and so often it is from situation to situation (one student needing a different approach at different times).
I know that there are times when I need to work on setting expectations and holding kids to them more strictly. Simultaneously, it seems like a good sign when I find various students flocking to me in a trusting manner. Trust is the basis of any meaningful relationship. I'm learning to find that balance and read situations while also being authentic and true to who I really am.
7. ALSO --> If you see someone doing something better of more effectively than you, don't beat yourself up for it in comparison mode. Instead, LEARN from them!
A LOT of staff members have come and gone, and some I've compared myself to and thought "they're new, and they're doing so much better than me." I then learned to turn that around and say, "What can I learn from them?" Honestly, I think most of the skills I've learned and new approaches I've used with kids this year have come from my observing a teacher or fellow staff members and adjusting my approach to incorporate aspects of theirs. (Ex: "Wow, they're so gentle." "They're so gentle yet firm." "Being assertive worked." "Welcome humor.")
I've written some strongly worded letters. And sure enough, they probably didn't have to be quite so strongly worded. Then again, maybe they did. Standing up for yourself as someone who shrinks from conflict can feel aggressive. Still, if something needs to be said, say it (after taking a breath of fresh air and maybe waiting an hour to hit send). -- Also, say it to the person who needs to be said to. They will likely appreciate it. If they don't, at least you tried your best. YOU MATTER, and so does your voice.
9. Living the faith while working in a secular school environment is a unique challenge.
Ah. Perhaps I could write a book on unique challenges that come working as a Catholic in a secular school. There are those challenges of "what does love look like here?" "How is Jesus calling me to love best in this moment?" Questions of "how much should I show my faith and in what ways?" "Is this simply a time to witness through actions? Are words helpful?" "What can I support?" "Is this something to silently protest?" "What are my intentions, and what is God asking of me?"
Full disclosure: I'm not trying to imply that public schools are the only place controversial or difficult topics arise. Nor am I saying that public schools are a sin haven while private schools or home schools are white as snow. What I'm saying is that certain challenges come when you and others aren't speaking the same first language----when God is considered a taboo versus daily topic--when assumptions are made that everyone supports the same, modern mentalities--when "good" and "evil" are considered simply opinions...
10. When you love a job this much, you can't even be jealous of your friends or acquaintances, because your heart is exploding with what you have.
I'm not where I thought I would be at 26. I'm better. Blessed beyond compare.
What I Have To Work On
I feel like I do a good job of providing a safe and trusting place for most of our kids. Humor is my favorite way to connect with some of them. I think a weakness for me is getting kids to do what I say. I've noticed that when I tell them to do something they often blatantly refuse, say "no", or act like I'm not there; then as soon as the teacher or case manager tells them they more often listen even if not instantly. I guess if it's between being a safe and trusting adult or a authoritative rule enforcer, I would rather rather be the first, but I think it would be good if I had a greater balance of both. I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like (and sometimes it is just the kids; you can't "make" someone do anything). I just have my people-pleaser quality ("I just want you to like me") that gets in the way.
