Lessons Learned [As An Educator] - School Year 2022-2023

Even when working in one of the best of schools, there's still regular crisis calls, sexual harassment, and violent threats. These are some of the biggest things I have dealt with (some frequently) in my work life this year. 

Welcome to working in a school 2022-23 edition.

 

I know that probably doesn't make working in a school sound appealing, but there's the discernment of whether you're called to work in this field, there's the discernment of when or how long you're called to work in this field, and then there are those special moments and the positive impact you can have on kids... so rewarding.

This year I have faced an insane number of ethical dilemmas. Should I speak up? Should I remain silent? What should I say? Did I say things I shouldn't? I am grateful and proud of many of my decisions. Others, I regret.

~*~

1. Sometimes the greatest sign of strength isn't putting up with abuse.  

Boundaries and self-care might mean a few broken hearts... and is 100% worth it. The best thing I've done for myself is take my needs seriously. Life only began going out of barely-coping mode after I said some difficult "no"s. The difference in quality of day to day life was transformational. I put up with 4 months of double stress where I was constantly on edge preparing for crises and 4 more months of major stress due to verbal abuse before actually taking my needs seriously enough (at this point my body was breaking down, telling me break me or take care of me; there's no other option). I want to put the needs of other first, but that cannot be at the stakes of my mental and physical health.

Boundary setting with kids. Boundary setting with staff. I have a long way to go in setting boundaries, but I have also made a lot of progress.

 ~*~

2. Staying true to your faith and values in a secular work environment is uncomfortable... and confusing.  

This one hasn't hit hard in previous school years, but in this school year (as Minnesotans would say) "oof." Discerning what this looks like can be very difficult and living this out can be just as difficult. This year this has looked like--where do I conform to people-please? When do I speak up or remain silent? How should I respond if things that go directly against my beliefs are being taught or forced on our children or staff (that has been a big one)?

This has also looked like: How much do I express my faith at work? What does that look like? Is there a difference between "not hiding" and yelling? Ought I or is it okay to (literally) wear my faith on my sleeve? How do I respond if a student asks me about my faith? Am I guilty if I don't express my faith?--the Catechism says it is not only recommended but our responsibility as Christians to be open about it and not hide it under a bushel basket. Am I guilty if I do express my faith? Should I only be doing it in actions? WHAT DOES EXPRESSING ONE'S FAITH LOOK LIKE? <-- Perhaps asking "am I guilty" isn't the right question here, but it's one that has hung over me this year.

When is going up against authority brave, and when is it rash? What is the difference between compassion and timidity? Between respect and sharing one's beliefs? We are encouraged to express various things about what we consider our "identity" at work, but religion is not one of them.

 ~*~

3. If you won't speak up, who will? 

This year has been a year of speaking up, and a lot of my pride and regrets have come from how I handled these instances. I have this thing where, if I see someone I care about getting hurt by something, I go into defense mode and go all out. 

This year that has looked like... 

- seeing students being pressured to say and conform to things that go against their religious beliefs? A meeting with the principal

- seeing a coworker cry and others being asked to wear an insane number of hats at once? A (perhaps overly) heated email to HR. 

- seeing bullying? A concerned email to all parties who may be in a place to respond.

- sexual harassment towards staff and students again... and again... and again...? Multiple emails and meetings with HR, etc.

-  a student threatening violence? Another concerned email to admin (necessary? idk... still weighing on my conscience)

The question is "is this my place?" and I don't always know (occasionally I do know). In these situations, I am often surprised when my coworkers don't say anything or if they seem astonished that I said something. I don't know if this is a sign that I am particularly brave or overbearing and rash??? I honestly think it's a mix (and tend to have a hard time telling the difference). 

 ~*~

4. You can't please everyone.

This realization is 'ouch' and at the same time so freeing. I am a MAJOR people-pleaser, and I would say the majority of the problems I've faced at work are due to some form of people-pleasing. This people-pleasing might look like not standing up for myself or my needs. This people-pleasing might look like feeling guilt... If not everyone likes me, I (still) assume there is a problem with me and that I need to fix this.

 The irony of being an outspoken people-pleaser.

  ~*~

5. Self-forgiveness is key in this profession.

Some of this probably sounds like parenting...

 

·     Forgiving myself for every time I was too hard on a kid.

·     Forgiving myself for every time I wasn't firm enough with a kid.

·     Forgiving myself for every time I spoke up.

·     Forgiving myself for every time I didn't speak up. 

·     Forgiving myself for every time I complained about things when other people were doing their best or when I had things so much better than others.

·     Forgiving myself for being imperfect.

I need to realize that my imperfections don't make me bad at my job--they make me human.

 

6. Don't try to be someone you're not. 

 "I am not good enough" or "I am being judged negatively" thoughts come into my head too often. A coworker recently told me that we can't all have the same approach and shouldn't try to be anyone else. I wish I had heard or caught on to that message sooner. I learned this one the hard way. 

 

I have a student who I have a very special relationship with and have been working with for over a year. A couple months into the year, I heard and witnessed a coworker of mine with a more firm and strict approach to working with my student. I instantly saw myself as weak and as not pushing my student to his full capabilities, so I changed my approach to copy the coworker's. 

 

Literally within the first week my student turned to me and said, "What's going on? You're not like this." My trying to impersonate the coworker resulted in many more power struggles, and my student began to talk about the "old" me and the new me. While, in this instance, I had viewed myself as "the weak one" who didn't push my kid hard enough, it seems the approach I took naturally was actually something this student needed.

The good news is that as I work with other students I can give myself grace for not being exactly like the next paraprofessional. Yes, I am learn skills from other paras and try to incorporate those into how I work with individual kids, but I don't need to change who I am.

~*~  

So I guess the truth is that this blog post shouldn't be called "Lessons Learned" but "Lessons Learning," because even in writing this I've made new realizations about how my mind works and because I am still struggling with pretty much all of these.

 

Every year working in a school becomes harder (hopefully that trend will end?) This post may seem more dense than my Lessons Learned posts of the past, but that's because this school year has been more dense. 

 

So here's to working in a school 2022-2023.

 

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