A day ago I attended a work training session to become certified in Nonviolent Crisis Intervention (NCI). This is a training often given to people working in prisons, group homes, and in a variety of other settings with vulnerable populations with a high probability of exercising violence.
For me, I am glad to say that the possible "perpetrators" of violence (for lack of a better word) often only come just above or below my hipline: I'm talking two to seven year olds. Plenty of harm can still be done in this age group both to self and to others--kids are creative!--but the intimidation factor of having someone who towers above me acting violently towards me is thankfully not something I have to deal with on a daily basis. (I'm learning my personal boundaries, and one of those boundaries is that I am fine working with vulnerable and often dysregulated children but do not do well in an atmosphere with regularly violent adults.)
There is a particular thought that has popped into my mind time and time again over the past few months at work. This thought usually pops into my head when a child is screaming at the top of his or her lungs over some seemingly minute incident or expectation or when a child is acting in a harmful way towards himself or me or occasionally another child, often all the while laughing.
The thought is basically this: "God, this is only a taste of what you have to put up with from us, your children, on a daily basis. How the heck do you put up with us? How the heck are you so patient and loving?" (I think it is important to note that I think this thought with humor not anger: humor coming from the fact that we think we put up with so much while we really have no idea what God - the real MVP! - puts up with.)**
As I reflect on this thought, I often think about how AMAZING it is that God is allowing me to see this world, His work, and His relationship with us in a such a beautiful and explicit light.
SERIOUSLY! No wonder God considering parenthood and the care taking of children and vulnerable populations to be our most important work here on earth. No wonder He holds it in such high regard. As parents and caretakers, we get to experience and participate firsthand in a relationship that mirrors God's very relationship with us. We get to actually see -- whether or not we recognize -- how obnoxious and irrational immature behavior looks, and we get to experience firsthand still providing unconditional love to the one who is causing us so much sorrow, frustration, or pain. Talk about an opportunity to take on God's image!
What a privilege and what an opportunity to come to know (and appreciate) God's love -- which I should note is far more pure than our love for those we look after or even our own children!
~*~
Throughout NCI training, the way in which we are expected to replicate God became all the more evident to me.
Naturally, at these training sessions for a secular/public institution, they do not say anything about taking on the image of God. However, there was one point during the session when our trainer said something that could have made my draw drop due to how perfectly and exactly it replicates what God does with and for us every single second of every single day. ***
Our trainer told us that after an incident (whether it involves hitting or biting or screaming profusely), when a child has at last managed to calm his or her body, the child usually feels a mixture of embarrassment and fear. Often, even if not expressed as one would expect externally, their first thought is, "Oh no. I did it again. Will this caretaker give up on me and leave me like others have done?"
One of the most important messages to give these kids after an incident of dysregulation -- whether this be in words or simply actions -- is to tell/show the child, "I forgive you. I am still here for you. I am not going to leave you. I still like you and care about you. We will work through this together."
The basic gist is: SHOW THEM THAT THEY ARE LOVED AND THAT IT IS OK.
What struck me when I reflected on this statement post-training is how in this moment as a caretaker you know the child can and even probably will perform the dangerous or hurtful action again. The child may not have the words to apologize or know how to show his or her remorse. On top of all this, there is a strong probability that tomorrow, or even in an hour or five minutes, the child will once again scream, hit you, or try to run away from you...
Yet your absolute NUMBER ONE FOCUS at the time is to assure the child that you still love them and care about them and that you are not going to leave them. Your response to their violent or hurtful action is love and comfort and a desire to help the child develop the skills and tools to express himself or herself in a healthier way.
Did you miss that? If so, read it again.
Your response to their violent or hurtful action is love and comfort and a desire to help the child develop the skills and tools to express himself or herself in a healthier way.
Does that not sound EXACTLY like God the Father? Is that not a perfect example of taking on God's image? Of following God's model? This happens every day, and we don't even realize it. When we sin, we inflict a wound on Christ and pierce the heart of God the Father... but God's response isn't vengeful.
His response may not be pleasant as He puts His foot down and lovingly removes us from that which has great potential to cause us harm. His response to our whining, our screaming, our intentionally or unintentionally violent hitting may not be a "Yes. Go ahead." But His focus is never to hurt us. His focus isn't on what we have done to Him. His focus is on healing the relationship, on bandaging wounds. His focus is on helping, on loving, on providing comfort.
God is PURE love, and this is what pure love looks like.
~*~
The moral of this whole story is the obvious takeaway message, but to me there is more. To me this training (and my day-to-day experiences in day treatment) provided me with not only an AMAZING example of how we act towards God and what God does for us every day.
Equally as importantly, it showed me how passionately the Father loves me. He wants so badly for me to KNOW Him that He has placed in me in a situation where He can reveal these secrets to me. It shows me that God is ultimately CREATIVE. He will meet us where we are at and show us what He wants us to see.
What a PRIVILEGE it is to act in a role that so perfectly mimics this relationship. That a PRIVILEGE it is to have this daily reminder of how our relationship with God works. What a PRIVILEGE it is that God wants to let me know Him so much that He has offered me a role where I can partake in His work and see (not perfectly but better) what He sees.
My hope for you is that, in reading this blog, you are better able to see God's wonderful work, His fingerprints, and the opportunities for insight that He puts into your life whether you work with children, other vulnerable populations, or in a completely different field. Somehow, in your workplace, God is revealing Himself to you. Don't be afraid to let Him dig deeply into your heart and open your eyes so that you can say, "I see it too, God. I see it."
POST-SCRIPT / FOOT NOTES
**Often I cope with difficult situations at work by either distancing myself from them (the focus here is on maintaining steady breathing and not responding to the situation in a way that may escalate it) or by exercising internal humor (not the key word "internal" --> outwardly laughing when someone is in pain or is seeking that attention is the LAST thing you should do).
***I think the most important message I took with me from training was a reminder (actually, something I hadn't thought about before) that the child who just slapped your face or spat in your eye or tried to take a chunk out of your wrist almost 100% of the time feels afraid and embarrassed after the fact. It's so easy to forget, when working with children with autism, that they have the same emotions and regrets that we have even if they don't know how to express their regrets or express what lead them to act aggressively.
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