Enjoy Your Singlehood

This blog post is primarily intended as a reminder to myself, but if it serves as helpful to you then I am so glad.

1. You're NEVER going to get this back

When people think of the single life, I don't think they usually think of is as something that can be lost. Rather, they think of it as a time when you are lost. 

I think a lot of people daydream about how it would be nice to get out of this single life and have that significant other on their arm. We dream about those months of bliss, but we forget that once in a relationship you're looking at a lifelong commitment. This is FOREVER (unless for some reason you enter into a relationship with the intention/expectation of someday breaking up), and there is a lot we are going to lose as we enter into a relationship.

Realize now that someday you are going to look back and think of how much you took for granted that you should have appreciated while you had it. Someday when your friends ask if you're free, you're not only going to have to check your own schedule but also that of your baby and your spouse before you tell them "yes" or "no." Your not going to have those long hours of sleep. You're going to be waking up to a baby crying multiple times per night, and you're going to be changing that diaper or trying to entertain or calm that rambunctious toddler at home or in Church. When you're sick, it's not simply going to be about spending the day in bed getting better but about changing that diaper and feeding the baby between episodes of throwing up. Your responsibility chart is going to soar and your amount of "me time" is going to diminish.

(This is not to say that dating or married life is a burden or something to be loathed, but there is so much to appreciate now and make the most of now that you will never be able to get back.) Because once that baby becomes a toddler you're going to be cleaning crayon drawings off the walls, and once that toddler becomes a preschooler you're going to be trying to find him or her a good school, playmates, and school supplies. And maybe someday in here you'll have another baby on the way which is beautiful but also means that while you are cleaning those crayon marks off the wall you are also wiping spit-up off your shirt whilst surviving on those four hours of sleep you got last night.

Your not going to be able to go out with friends every other night. Self-care is going to become far more difficult. You won't be able to put yourself fully into your studies no matter how much that book interests you, because every few minutes you will get called away to take care of some other responsibility.

That day your husband gets laid off from work could turn what you hoped would be a romantic evening into an evening of worrying how your family is going to pay the bills and get by.

I'm making married life sound miserable, but the point is not to dread the future but to appreciate the present, because you are probably in a daze where you think all of your problems are now and once you find Mr. or Mrs. Right you'll find bliss.

2. Don't listen to, "You need to get a boyfriend/girlfriend."

What a funny statement! As if they're some form of commodity like, "You need to get a beer" or "You need to get a new dress." I personally find the way one is turned into commodity rather than an individual unkind, hurtful, and undignified. 

I don't know about you, but I personally don't want someone to ask me out simply to fill that position in his life like I'm a decent or better-than-nothing deodorant. I don't want someone to ask me out because he's "looking for a girlfriend" like a new tie (because "everyone has one" or "should get one"), and "I'll do." If a guy asks me out, I want it to be because God has lead us to each other and this man wants ME in his life: me the individual with all my strengths, weaknesses, desires, struggles, love, and insecurities (not "the girlfriend" like the "new car").

3. Where is the "sacrifice"?

When you actually do enter into a serious relationship, are you giving yourself to this person in order to escape the sacrifice of single hood or because you feel called to this and because you care for the other so deeply that you want to sacrifice all of your free time and me-focus in life in order to fulfill God's plan and become this person's spouse/helper/companion in life?

I think, in the world today, we've lost track of where the sacrifice plays in. We make it sound like we enter into a relationship with another to escape the pain of single hood. So it's more like we're entering into this relationship to escape a sacrifice (an unpleasantry) rather than to give up the beauty and ease of the single life in order to sacrifice ourselves to this person.

When we enter into a relationship, we should remember the word "sacrifice" and keep it at the core of our relationship. This is about giving up something for another. This isn't about taking from that other person or getting yourself out of this fix (called "being single").

It's not about helping yourself but about doing God's Will. God Will look after your needs if you dedicate yourself to Him. Which leads into my next point...

4. It's a vocation

God wants you to be here now, so make the most of it! We tend to think of single hood as "a time before marriage." We see it as a waiting time, a prequel. Sure, it may be, but there is a reason you are single now. You are living in a real time, and life doesn't have to wait until you've found that special someone.

Perhaps God wants you to use this time when you have more freedom to give to others in other ways or to learn about yourself. So spend that night discussing Philosophy with friends, read that good book, get that good night's sleep, go see that counselor if you have problems you really need to fix in your life. This is a very special time in your life. 

God knows what He's doing. Trust in Him and make the most of where He has placed you now. Live in the now.

5. Pray

The #1 thing that gets me through life is prayer. Ask God to put your heart and focus where He wants it now. As Him to help you to trust in Him. 

Ask God to open your heart to a relationship when the right relationship comes around, but also ask Him to help you to be content and to appreciate where you are in life now. 

Ask Him to guide your heart and soul. Become the best person you can be. The future is always the future, and if you never stop looking forward into the future you're never going to see and appreciate the present, the now.

Accepting Every Part Of Me

God made me this way and he accepts every part of me.

I have learned that one of the things I value most in life is Order. Because of this value, I have been trying to organize my online life. I try to compartmentalize things to hold different aspects of me: things I’m proud of, things I’m ashamed of, my Christ-filled inspirations, my obsessions with movie stars...

I think most of us have had those moments on Facebook where we look back on something and ask, “Why did I post that?” We have all of these “in the moment” feelings. At one moment I want my online presence to be all Holy and focused on Christ. Then suddenly I feel the urge to post something about a celebrity crush. I sometimes post only one thing a week but more often post multiple things a day, and this leaves me disgusted with myself because I want some organization in my life.

When I first got my Facebook, I was 15-years-old. I thought it was the coolest thing. I was so excited about every friend request and post. I changed my profile picture a million times because I liked so many pictures. I posted the most random statuses and pictures. I kept on changing my mind about who I wanted to list as a family member on Facebook, and so someone would be my “sister” one day and not the next.

Sometimes I got so fed up with the chaos of my profile. I actually went on to make a new (“fresh”) Facebook profile and started sending out friend requests. But then I felt even more disorganized due to the fact that I now had TWO Facebook profiles while being ONE person. And I wanted to hold onto my original profile. So I deleted my additional account and decided to simply make some edits to my original profile to “perfect” it and a give it some order. Embarrassed by the fact that I had at least 50 profile pictures and had only had my profile for maybe half a year, I went through and deleted the majority of my profile pictures. (I didn’t even save the original L, but I remember what it was) I guess somewhere along the way I also deleted almost all of my original Facebook posts and a few albums and videos.

I wanted to portray this perfect image, not the flighty-minded girl that I am.

I could go on about how the same thing happened to me on YouTube, Tumblr, even starting up my own website, etc. etc. but I think you get the idea and I don’t want to bore you.  (Maybe the moral of the story could just be that I’m a perfectionist living in scatterbrained mind?)

I’m still drawn to this ideal of order. Living in a messy house, I want it to be clean. The walls of my bedroom look like a scrapbook; I want to give them a more organized, sophisticated look. I want my friendships to blossom. I want to be one with nature. I want to give up technology… except (oh bummer) it’s rather addicting. I want to switch to reading books instead of watching movies…(but then a really gripping movie comes out).  

I also want this blog to have some sense of organization unlike my Tumblr account where I randomly posted something about one of my favorite movie stars and now I want to turn the account into my study abroad blog except that I can’t convince myself to delete the old post, yet I don’t want anyone to see it... (Run-on sentences like this explain my life.) I regret how many accounts I’ve made on various websites. Yet, at the same time, I don’t really want to delete them because they really do possess a part of me.

Welcome to my life. My brain.

So what does all this come down to? Good question. I’ve been asking that myself. I don’t have a perfect answer, but I guess I would say that one point of this post is that if you’re both caught up in and fed up with your imperfections at the same time, you’re not alone. Another point is that no one of us can be perfect. I can’t always be consistent. There are different facets of my mind (faith, fetishes, etc.) that branch out and cause a jumble………and that’s ok.

While I want to put out this perfect image to the world (“Oh yah. I’ve got it all together.”) -- and if not to the world at least to myself -- that’s just unnatural. I have faults. I have spurts of energy, and they will quite likely come along every now and then on my blog.

I still strive for some Order in my life, and that’s a good thing. But I also have to learn to accept myself with all of my imperfections, with all of my run-on sentences, etc. It’s ok to be me. And it’s ok to be you.

If you’ve come with me this far on this Blog I commend you. Good work. Perhaps you’ve read this blog because you can relate or perhaps you’ve simply read it because you are bored or perhaps you have read it because you’re a good friend and want to be able to tell me that you read it from beginning to end. Whatever the reason…

Thank you. Because in reading this whole blog you have shown me that you can put up with the real me (at least for a couple of minutes) and you have accepted me as a whole: imperfections and all.

(P.S. This picture is not of me. 

Thanks, google!)

If this post is driving you nuts with its lack of organization, I totally understand. I feel the same way. (Yet, at the same time, I am learning to accept myself. I must accept that fact that I do drive myself nuts.)

If this post has actually cheered you up either because you can laugh at me or laugh with me, Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you for accepting me as me.

So I don’t really know how to end here – me with all of my imperfections :P – so I guess all I am going to say is that if my blogging brings you some joy/insight: WELCOME! Stay tuned for more posts!: hopefully more organized, but not necessarily all related to each other in any sense other than that they come from… me.

I will strive to be more organized in the future, because order brings me joy and peace of mind. But I must also accept being imperfect little me: a bundle of perfectionism and imperfections all rolled into one.

I can’t really get more honest than that. So what do you say? Join me on my life journey…? It'll be fun! BLOG ON!!!

Here and now

Welcome to my blog. I'm just a young woman in her early 20s preparing to face adulthood and trying to develop a healthy way of life in the here and now. While preparing for the future is important, I think it's so important to focus on the here and now, because if we're always looking to the future we won't get to enjoy our present place in life.

This blog, as noted, is about Daily Life. Join me on the journey as we learn how to manage stress in college, how to find enjoyment in the little things, how to confront struggles (big and small), how to select a roommate, buy a house, and do taxes... Most importantly of all: how to find the joy and beauty in the here and now and how to accept the experience of that beauty (through meditation) and hone that beauty (through house cleaning & decorating & loving friendships).

While the goal of my life is faith, joy, love, and simplicity, this doesn't mean leave out all adventure. It means make the most of the calm and make the most of the adventures and the avalanches. On that note, I will soon be departing to spend a semester in Europe with 29 other beautiful souls, so join me on the journey. Let's go find the beauty in life as God has created us to do!