Enjoy Your Singlehood

This blog post is primarily intended as a reminder to myself, but if it serves as helpful to you then I am so glad.

1. You're NEVER going to get this back

When people think of the single life, I don't think they usually think of is as something that can be lost. Rather, they think of it as a time when you are lost. 

I think a lot of people daydream about how it would be nice to get out of this single life and have that significant other on their arm. We dream about those months of bliss, but we forget that once in a relationship you're looking at a lifelong commitment. This is FOREVER (unless for some reason you enter into a relationship with the intention/expectation of someday breaking up), and there is a lot we are going to lose as we enter into a relationship.

Realize now that someday you are going to look back and think of how much you took for granted that you should have appreciated while you had it. Someday when your friends ask if you're free, you're not only going to have to check your own schedule but also that of your baby and your spouse before you tell them "yes" or "no." Your not going to have those long hours of sleep. You're going to be waking up to a baby crying multiple times per night, and you're going to be changing that diaper or trying to entertain or calm that rambunctious toddler at home or in Church. When you're sick, it's not simply going to be about spending the day in bed getting better but about changing that diaper and feeding the baby between episodes of throwing up. Your responsibility chart is going to soar and your amount of "me time" is going to diminish.

(This is not to say that dating or married life is a burden or something to be loathed, but there is so much to appreciate now and make the most of now that you will never be able to get back.) Because once that baby becomes a toddler you're going to be cleaning crayon drawings off the walls, and once that toddler becomes a preschooler you're going to be trying to find him or her a good school, playmates, and school supplies. And maybe someday in here you'll have another baby on the way which is beautiful but also means that while you are cleaning those crayon marks off the wall you are also wiping spit-up off your shirt whilst surviving on those four hours of sleep you got last night.

Your not going to be able to go out with friends every other night. Self-care is going to become far more difficult. You won't be able to put yourself fully into your studies no matter how much that book interests you, because every few minutes you will get called away to take care of some other responsibility.

That day your husband gets laid off from work could turn what you hoped would be a romantic evening into an evening of worrying how your family is going to pay the bills and get by.

I'm making married life sound miserable, but the point is not to dread the future but to appreciate the present, because you are probably in a daze where you think all of your problems are now and once you find Mr. or Mrs. Right you'll find bliss.

2. Don't listen to, "You need to get a boyfriend/girlfriend."

What a funny statement! As if they're some form of commodity like, "You need to get a beer" or "You need to get a new dress." I personally find the way one is turned into commodity rather than an individual unkind, hurtful, and undignified. 

I don't know about you, but I personally don't want someone to ask me out simply to fill that position in his life like I'm a decent or better-than-nothing deodorant. I don't want someone to ask me out because he's "looking for a girlfriend" like a new tie (because "everyone has one" or "should get one"), and "I'll do." If a guy asks me out, I want it to be because God has lead us to each other and this man wants ME in his life: me the individual with all my strengths, weaknesses, desires, struggles, love, and insecurities (not "the girlfriend" like the "new car").

3. Where is the "sacrifice"?

When you actually do enter into a serious relationship, are you giving yourself to this person in order to escape the sacrifice of single hood or because you feel called to this and because you care for the other so deeply that you want to sacrifice all of your free time and me-focus in life in order to fulfill God's plan and become this person's spouse/helper/companion in life?

I think, in the world today, we've lost track of where the sacrifice plays in. We make it sound like we enter into a relationship with another to escape the pain of single hood. So it's more like we're entering into this relationship to escape a sacrifice (an unpleasantry) rather than to give up the beauty and ease of the single life in order to sacrifice ourselves to this person.

When we enter into a relationship, we should remember the word "sacrifice" and keep it at the core of our relationship. This is about giving up something for another. This isn't about taking from that other person or getting yourself out of this fix (called "being single").

It's not about helping yourself but about doing God's Will. God Will look after your needs if you dedicate yourself to Him. Which leads into my next point...

4. It's a vocation

God wants you to be here now, so make the most of it! We tend to think of single hood as "a time before marriage." We see it as a waiting time, a prequel. Sure, it may be, but there is a reason you are single now. You are living in a real time, and life doesn't have to wait until you've found that special someone.

Perhaps God wants you to use this time when you have more freedom to give to others in other ways or to learn about yourself. So spend that night discussing Philosophy with friends, read that good book, get that good night's sleep, go see that counselor if you have problems you really need to fix in your life. This is a very special time in your life. 

God knows what He's doing. Trust in Him and make the most of where He has placed you now. Live in the now.

5. Pray

The #1 thing that gets me through life is prayer. Ask God to put your heart and focus where He wants it now. As Him to help you to trust in Him. 

Ask God to open your heart to a relationship when the right relationship comes around, but also ask Him to help you to be content and to appreciate where you are in life now. 

Ask Him to guide your heart and soul. Become the best person you can be. The future is always the future, and if you never stop looking forward into the future you're never going to see and appreciate the present, the now.