The Day I Learned I'm Not Superhuman: Shift Work Sleep Disorder

It was one of the most stressful morning's of my life. I had worked four awake nights (10pm-6am) throughout the week and had swapped shifts with someone so that I was also working a Saturday shift (6am-2pm). A body like mine just couldn't handle it, and I wish I had realized that sooner so that I wouldn't let people down.

See, this is the life of a health care professional working inconsistent and early shifts.

For someone like me you just have to learn and accept your body's limitations. The reason I agree to do many things is because I don't want to let people down. However, in the end I'm either letting my body down or letting others down worse.

This particular morning caused me so much stress that my heart was becoming weak for lack of oxygen. I wasn't in a full-fledged panic attack. I couldn't have one of those in the moment, but my body was waning away. When I woke up I felt rather numb. On top of other health concerns, I had only slept 2-3 hours the night prior due to my scheduling being off (insomnia), and I had gotten very frustratingly inconsistent sleep throughout the week as I tried to get my body to do what it had to do to get my shifts done. My body didn't want to sleep all day, but what was worse was getting up at 4:45am mornings.

In my position, you can't just call in right before work and say, "I'm sick. My body is numb. My heart is giving out on me from fatigue. I can't come in." -- In my position (shift work) you're also more likely to HAVE morning's like this (at least if you're me), because your body is so drained and wasn't made to function this way. -- You have to predict at least the night before if you'll be sick, and even this is a bad idea. You have to know at least 24 hours in advance to get an emergency sub. In my case... yikes. I guess I should've known my body would give out on my on a schedule like this, but I wanted to be super human.

LESSON LEARNED: Shifts that require getting up at 4:45am do not work for me (getting up anytime before 6am is a nightmare), and jobs that require shift work are not ideal for my body.

Maybe these shifts work for some people, and I'm glad those people exist!

I guess now I know more about myself, although I'm super sorry to have let people down. Of all things in life, the MOST painful thing for me is letting people down. It drives me nuts. It gives me panic attacks. I have depression and severe anxiety disorder, and the two things that truly stress me the most are (1) sleep exhaustion, (2) letting people down.

So it's a year of learning. I'm learning to take myself seriously. I'm learning my limitations. This is good. Praise the Lord for helping me and not having me learn these lessons in a more drastic way. Even if this seemed drastic and was drastic, it could have been much worse.

This is a short blog post with an important lesson and a simple yet incredibly helpful reflection.

I continue to be in awe of all the health care professionals out there who work day in and day out on absolutely ridiculous shifts. I think something should be done about the inconsistency of the schedule if it can, because if you're going to help someone with their own health you first need to take care of your own.

Anyhow, kuddos to all you cool people out there! You're superhuman, and I have learned that I am not, and I am grateful for that. I am grateful to accept that I have limitations. There's some beauty in limitation. (In letting others down? No. But in knowing there is a time to say no and to simplify your life and stay sane with good reason. Yes.)

I hope someday the world will make better conditions for health care workers, and I have a new founded respect for people in this field. I don't think this is proper treatment of a human's circadian rhythm, but YOU GO, GUYS!