Glorifying God Through Mental Illness: The Blessings Of Mental Illness

There's nothing glamorous about mental illness. It's painful in a whole different way from other illnesses, because on top of the physical pain it can be hard to even know what is true and what is false, and with it may come great moments of fear or scrupulosity or irregular activity. The thing I struggle with most with mental illness is a feeling of guilt, because I don't know when my inability to do things other people do is due to a lack in good character or something related to my illness. I overthink everything.

I wish to acknowledge these things, because some people with mental illness may be shocked or even hurt to hear me say "There Are Blessings That Come With Mental Illness." It might sound like I don't understand mental illness. Like I'm insensitive. The reason I know some people with mental illness might feel this way is because I often feel people don't understand. I can become easily angry when people treat it as "just" mental illness or are surprised by the fact that even in instances when I've had episodes of vomiting and being hardly conscious or have endured an ear infection, even IN those instances I have turned to God and said, "I would rather spend every night with these symptoms [vomiting over the toilet] than have to take another day with depression or anxiety." There is also irony in the fact that when I had an ear infection, while I wanted it to go away, I also acknowledged that "at least it distracts me from my depression which is more painful." I didn't miss a day of work [not even a 12 hour days] while I had an ear infection but have missed many due to depression and anxiety. I once told a friend - upon coming to the realization - that I was working myself sick because at least while I wasn't taking care of myself I could distract myself from the illnesses due to having no time to attend to or acknowledge their presence.

The above paragraphs are to let readers know that YES, I know firsthand how bad mental illness is. I don't know everyone's story. Many people suffer far worse than I do, but I DO know that it is an excruciating suffering, often a state of bewilderment, and it's just plain painful.

With the above being stated, I would like to describe a conversation I had with a friend not long ago. We were talking about the difficulties that come with mental illness when I told her, "It's funny, because sometimes I turn to God and think of asking Him to cure me of this illness, but then I'm not always sure that I want to do that, because what if without this illness I couldn't complete the plan He has for my life? If I didn't have this illness, I might lose some of the sensitivity and compassion I have for other people dealing with mental illness. I might not fight for them so much, care so much, etc."

Below I would like to explain three of the blessings I think come with having a mental illness:

1. We can offer it up to save souls.

Everyone in life suffers. We suffer from different things. Poverty, neglect, abuse, persecution... often from multiple things listed in the above categories. We each carry a cross. Some of our crosses are more invisible than others. 

For me personally, I am so incredibly blessed. A homeless veteran once told me that after seeing the world he realized that even living on the streets of Colorado he was one of the top 1% most privileged people in the world. That hit me hard. If he is in the top 1% most privileged, then what am I?

I thank God that I have something to offer Him. It's a difficult thing to offer Him, because sometimes in the midst of suffering I feel so much guilt that I have a hard time believing that good can come from these evils. Yet God works in incredible ways, and the truth is that, as we [people dealing with mental illness] perhaps sit in the middle of a psychotic breakdown and feel we are letting people down, that we are a burden, that the pain is too much, that more evil than good is in the midst of this... GOD IS WORKING MIRACLES THROUGH US IF WE OFFER IT UP. HE IS LOOKING DOWN ON US AND SAYING, "GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, I AM PLEASED" even when we feel like the worst, most weak and negligent servant there is. 

By taking our cross and offering it up for the salvation of souls and various good causes, even by simply saying, "Lord, I accept this if it be Your Will," we are bringing so much glory to God. With mental illness we have the HONOR / PRIVILEGE of suffering for each other and with Jesus in an incredible way invisible to our eyes. Someday we will get to Heaven and see that not one drop of our suffering, our agony, was in vain - even when we felt hopeless.

2. It builds within us a compassion for others struggling with the illness and opens our eyes to things we might otherwise not see.

Just days after having the above conversation with a friend, I can across a quotation from St. Bernard which perfectly summed up what I was trying to explain to her. St. Bernard is quoted as saying "He who is well does not notice another's sickness; and he who is satiated does not understand the suffering of the hungry." 

The book continued, stating "The more a sick person resembles another sick person, and one hungry person another hungry person, the deeper is their sympathy for the other's difficulties" (How To Profit From Your Faults, by Joseph Tissot, 60).

Indeed. Perhaps my mental illness is integral to building my character and pointing me in the direction of the plans God has for my life. This doesn't mean I shouldn't ask Him to appease the pain. This doesn't even mean I have to go so far as to be grateful for the illness. Yet I personally find reason to be, because I want to fulfill what God made me to be more than I want a pain-free life. That pain-free life will be Heaven for me, and what GREATER rejoicing will I find in Heaven when I am able to say that not only did Christ drink His cup for me but I drank my cup for Him!

3. While sometimes it leads to sin, it can also keep us from committing worse sins at times.

There are certain sins that my mental illness points me towards. That said, my mental illness has also kept me from other sins. It helps me to look to Christ more rather than falling into the sin of thinking I'm so perfect and don't need God. It keeps me focused on looking for solutions at times when I might otherwise be scrolling through Facebook and comparing myself to others on there.

I once saw a comic with a picture of a person yelling to God, "God, why have you abandoned me!?" Meanwhile, a bunch of guardian angels are fighting demons that are running at the person in every direction. Sometimes we are so blinded by the hardships in front of us that we don't see the thousands which God is saving us from.

4. It leaves us unsatisfied: wanting peace, wanting more...

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in You." We hear and say this over and over again, but mental illness really brings our understanding of this reality to the forefront!

Everyone lives with a pain and emptiness within them. I have finally come to the realization that this pain and emptiness is not simply due to my depression. But my depression certainly builds my awareness of it!

As we suffer here on earth, experiencing great pain and anguish, this reminds us of a truth. While mental illness unfortunately leads many to forget the truth that they are PRICELESS, it certainly brings to our conscience the truth that WE CAN'T DO THIS ON OUR OWN and builds within us a hope that we were MADE FOR SOMETHING MORE.

How impoverished we would be if we went through life without a single pain yet unaware of the great hole within us that God wants to fill with the treasure of Himself. We would have so little, yet not realize that we were missing out on something so great. We would not come to the realization that we are not made for something more. This in itself would be a tragedy.

Personally, I find that as I suffer this builds within me a greater desire for Heaven and the resurrection of the dead (myself among them). My emptiness has been magnified by mental illness, and I have tried to fill it with distractions and tangible comforts and pleasures. But when it all comes down to it, I still sense that something is missing, and this points me to CHRIST. In prayer I find my greatest comfort. It is the one place where I find peace, where things are not tinted in superficiality (though I would not go so far as to say that I find submitting to prayer easy).

Suffering reminds us of our inadequacy and points us to our purpose. "Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find." With my mental illness, I know that I desire something more. I desire a purpose. I desire peace. I desire a better life. That purpose is living for Christ. That peace is found in the depths of prayer and devotion. And that better life sits before me in Heaven if I but carry this cross with Jesus and Mary by my side and eyes lifted high.