HEALTH BLOG #1 - Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Allergies

I considered starting a new blog specifically dedicated to health. I considered posting more things on YouTube related to mental health. I considered making a new Facebook page or converting my old one to be dedicated to mental health. I considered starting a Website, but I already made one long ago, so should I convert that? I wondered whether I should keep things strictly to my Facebook page or have them on parts of the Internet to help other people or... 

Ok. So I'm still that girl who wrote the first blog on this page - "Accepting Every Part of Me" - and will never be able to grasp myself in one little box or dedicate myself entirely to ONE focus, because that's not how I roll. So I'm going to do what I said I would in my very first blog and have this blog compromise different parts of me. This blog just happens to be part of the HEALTH segment. 

Let's go.

There isn't exactly a way to sum up my conditions, so I'm just going to limit myself to a short segment on each of them in this blog post.

Depression

1. What is depression?

Click here for a short description of the disorder. Depression is considering a mood disorder, but it is so much more than in the head. It manifests itself physically as well as psychologically. (If you have time, click here for a 20 minute movie describing depression more accurately than any video I've seen or article I've read.)

2. What does depression feel like?

Depression is a different experience for each person who suffers with it. Symptoms may also vary from day-to-day. Depression is often best described in metaphors, as we lack a vocabulary to truly describe it. While sadness is one possible side effect of depression, other ways it can be described include as a feeling a hollowness or emptiness, numbness of the skin or other body parts, a feeling of an invisible pressure or heaviness holding down the body physically. This is a way my depression commonly manifests itself.

3. How does depression affect my daily life?

The feeling of numbness I described above often results in physical difficulty getting up each morning. This can result in my missing work or sleeping in until the last minute and barely eating breakfast since the food doesn't want to go down. I noted to my therapist once that I didn't miss a single day of work when I had an ear infection, but that it was so much easier going to work with an ear infection than with depression. She seemed surprised, but to me that's an obvious fact. I can go a day or more without leaving the house due to this numb feeling (even though I want to get out, see friends, and be productive). 

4. How do I try to treat my depression?

Their are various ways to treat depression. Right now I am on medications and seeing a therapist. I hope to add in physical exercise and to get myself some good nutrition. Massage therapy may also come in the loop. I hope it will bring a feeling of positivity and presence back into my body. A hobby that keeps me up during the day without increasing my depression (like social media does) could be helpful as well.

5. How does this disorder interact with my other disorders?

All the conditions I deal with are so interlinked that it's hard to tell what symptoms are actually caused my what. For example, some of the symptoms I bring up in the anxiety disorder segment below might also have a relationship to my depression such as headaches. It's hard to know if some of my physical sensations such as headaches are more related to depression, anxiety, or allergies.

Anxiety Disorder

1. What is anxiety disorder?

Click here for a short description of the disorder. 

2. What does anxiety disorder feel like?

I chose the picture above to try to describe the sensation of chronic anxiety. The best way I can describe it to someone without the disorder is like this. Imagine you're hiking on a mountain by a cliff and suddenly your foot slips on the ledge. For the following half second your breath halts and your whole body snaps into action without your conscious control as you reach out to catch yourself on the ground. Now imagine that half second going on perpetually. That's anxiety. Your whole body is in tense, self-preservation mode. Your adrenaline is rushing. Imagine your body never went out of that panic state or that your heart is racing as you look over the cliff that you almost fell over.

3. How does anxiety disorder affect my daily life?

Anxiety manifests itself in so many ways. One might think that in the morning, when my depression is telling me I can't move my anxiety disorder would tell me to spring into action. Actually, my anxiety disorder keeps me transfixed to the bed or from leaving the living room. In order to fight back against the physical weight of depression, the energy required to get me out of bed would be so great that it would set my heart racing. The cushions I am laying on feel like the only safe place.  Considering the fact that getting up to go to the bathroom sounds like walking on a ledge (adrenaline-wise) and going to work sounds like falling over that ledge (adrenaline-wise), my anxiety results in my laying in bed watching YouTube and THEN beating myself up for the fact that I'm ruining my life and being a drag and am such a problem (self-talk).

[Getting up to go to work sounds like being trapped in a corner with strong force looming over me, holding me there.]

4. How do I try to treat my anxiety disorder?

Once again, the treatments I am on are medications and receiving therapy. I think that getting good nutrition and plenty of exercise to let out the energy-drive overload is AT LEAST as important in treating my anxiety as my depression. 

5. How does this disorder interact with my other disorders?

Having anxiety and depression is like having two forces pressing on your body. The depression is pushing downward (making it hard to rise) while the anxiety is pushing upward (making it difficult to find peace even while laying in bed). Allergies just add confusion to the mix.

Allergies

1. What is an allergy and how does it "express itself"?

Click here for a wonderful, concise description of the biology of allergies.

2. What do my allergies feel like?

Hm. Does the picture above give you some idea? Last week, when I had allergy testing done, my back looked like that (but worse). For me allergies present themselves the most in sensations of itchiness all over the skin and in drainage in my nose that often goes into my throat. (Extreme itchiness can be worse than any other type of pain I've experienced.) The pressure in my head due to allergy often gives me headaches and eye-aches and sometimes earaches. 

3. How do my allergies affect my daily life?

If my headaches are caused my allergies, then I can definitely say that they keep me up some nights. I received allergy testing last week (like in the picture above) and tested positive to about 45 of the 54 environmental causes tested for. Because of how numerous my allergies are and because few, if any, seem to be life-threatening (though highly unpleasant), I tend to put up with being in the presence of or exposed to things I am allergic to. (For example, you can't really avoid birch trees in Minnesota if you want to get any sunshine, right?) That said, there are some things I have to tell people I am allergic to (such as shaving cream) or my nose turns into an instant waterfall (no exaggeration). I have to be careful what textures I expose my skin to, what perfumes are in the air, and an wary of certain foods or chemicals.

4. How do I try to treat my allergies?

I am currently on medications which help SO MUCH but do not eliminate my allergies. If I were not on medications it would be like being in a torture chamber. (I know this because I had to go off my meds for 5-7 days prior to allergy testing.) I am working on organizing my surroundings so that at least at home my worst allergies (such as to dust) are less activated. I hope to also isolate which foods make me feel better or worse.

5. How do my allergies interact with my other health conditions?

People tend to not take my allergies seriously because they aren't life-threatening, and when I request accommodations for them I tend to feel like a burden. Because it is hard to know what causes what (ex: headaches, moodiness, and so forth), I often am not 100% sure what I am allergic to or how allergic I am to it. When I am not 100% sure that something is as allergy (which is usually the case), I internally beat myself up for "faking it" or "making a big deal out of things." These negative inside voices link back to my anxiety and depression.