My Childhood Aspirations

Babyhood

Olympic Gymnast -- This dream was short-lived, because as soon as I was informed, "Most gymnasts have to leave their families for many years to work on their craft," I was like "yeah, nah." 

 

Youth

Mother -- Since childhood, my number one desire was to be a mom. I pictured being a stay-at-home mom like my mom was and possibly, but not definitely, homeschooling my kids. Yes, I did have a first name and middle name chosen for each of my children as well as deciding approximately what they would look like, what order they would be born in, and what day they would be born. (Spoiler alert: My first child was born in April of 2019... April 2021 was set as an alternative date.)

Postal Worker -- I think when I was young I might have wanted to be a mail carrier first, but my interest was at least as much in the sorting of materials as the delivery. I was OBSESSED with organizing materials in different ways (still am to this day) and thought working in mail sorting room sorting letters sounded like bliss. Images in There Goes A Mail Truck upped my interest considerably.

Dance Instructor -- I drempt of my sister and I opening a Catholic dance studio. I don't think this was an entirely unrealistic dream, as my sister and I were top of our dance classes and were regularly leading other students in the routines. I mostly wanted to be a dance instructor so that I could pick out costumes and music for the kids but also to choreograph. Fashion design played in big here. I can't count how many dance costumes I created and paired with songs on CDs we had at home. Sometimes I would create choreography and practice it in the living room.

Unfortunately, dancing went on the back-burner when I got busy with going away to school. Yet I have zero regrets about replacing it with tennis, because...tennis is bliss! Still, gotta say, I think I've lost the grace I had previously, my interest in choreographing, and my skills in memorization. I wish I could say I am a pop star level dancer, but lo that is not a skill I honed in my most formative skill-based years of life.

Middle school

Actress -- I was set on going to Hollywood. What drew me to this was watching films like The Secret Life of Bees and feeling that there were raw emotions that I would love to portray on screen. It seemed there was a depth of emotion that I would only be able to express in front of others and still be respected were it on-screen. My melancholic personally, love for raw realness, and feeling of not being accepted or belonging are all things that drew me here. I still have this interest but wouldn't want to try to make something so unstable, move-around, and competitive my main career.  

(Yes, I'm a 6. Stability 100,000% ;))

Singer -- I also went through phases were I dreamed of becoming the next Taylor Swift or the next pop star like Selena Gomez or Demi Lovato. Perhaps, in a sense, I felt so ignored and so not-thought-beautiful that I wanted to be prettied up like these girls on screen (full disclosure: not a great life in Hollywood but it was a fantasy). "And you're watching Disney Channel!"

High school

Social Worker -- In high school and pre-high school I watched enough films involving social workers and psychologists that I decided "that's what I want to be." I specifically wanted to become a social worker who worked with vulnerable children. I considered foster care as a possible area to work in, because can you think of children in a much more vulnerable position than that? 

My greatest desire really was to be a safe and caring adult in the lives of children who lack safe and caring adults. My own experiences of feeling unprotected and abused are what truly drew my heart to this field. Also, I felt super broken and was drawn to rawness and honesty, so I wanted to work in a role were brokenness was acknowledged and not just brushed under the rug like "we don't talk about that/we don't go there."

 

What's crazy and awesome is that even though I decided to drop my social work major mid-college due to scheduling conflicts with study abroad (a decision I do not regret making in the least), I literally have been doing exactly what I dreamed of doing post-college. 

Did I pinpoint the exact occupations I've worked in? No. I couldn't have given you these job titles. But what I do is really exactly what I wanted to get into but better -- if 100% fills the desires that initially drew me to social work but it does so in a more manageable, supportive, team-based context (because I don't know how I could've handled the stress of working in foster care!)